These Advice given by My Parent Which Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good spot. You require assistance. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a larger failure to open up between men, who continue to internalise harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to take a break - going on a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a friend, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the body - eating well, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."